Political aptness is as important as the Spirit Hydrometer in the distillation of the most expensive whiskeys around the world.
Being politically relevant is on the top wish list of any political player, big or small, foolish or wise and ambitious or seasoned.
Relevance means that any politician remains abreast with the dynamic and ever changing political seasons as it also cements a strong foundation going into the future.
This maybe the main reason the country has been experiencing faked abductions, daily faked persecution reports as well as sporadic promises of public protests.
From the Magombeyis to the Mamombes of this world, Zimbabwe has had its fair share of greenhorn political players who are trying very hard to remain apposite regardless of their waning political fortunes.
Enter dreadlocked Zhuwao!
The last time the name Patrick Zhuwao was topical in Zimbabwe was during the funeral wake of former president Robert Mugabe (MHSRIP) where he endeavoured with little success to be the point man as far as the intimate burial arrangements of the deceased former president was concerned.
This was his window for political relevance together with his other self-exiled fugitives Professor Jonathan Moyo, Walter Mzembi and Saviour Kasukuwere.
They politicised the funeral wake such that they were now the star attractions other than the remains of the iconic man which they tossed around for more than two weeks.
After sensing that the Government was not at war with the Mugabe family over the final burial place of the former leader, they were left with egg on their faces as the tussle they had hoped for never happened.
Political opportunity gone!
Patrick Zhuwao is just a dwarf who was boasting around in giant robes and his only claim to fame being that he was nephew to former President Mugabe.
Anything apart from that, the former Cabinet minister is our latter day Egypt Dzinemunhenzva.
He rode his popularity on his uncle’s back such that when the latter passed on, his political star waned.
To buttress this notion, Zhuwao, as a political novice he is, went on to cling to another robe for relevance, this time to a man 13 years his junior.
He went and hid himself under the political pants of one Julius Malema, the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) of South Africa frontman.
And just this past week another window for political relevance opened itself for poor Zhuwao. After Chief Zvimba summoned Grace Mugabe to answer to charges of contravening some village rites, Zhuwao was at it again.
He claimed President Mnangagwa wanted to exhume Mugabe to retrieve a sceptre!
Feeling cold outside the Zanu PF tent, hallucinating politicians (Zhuwao included) have resorted to unwarranted character assassination on the President in the hope of capturing the world’s attention.
The dismal marathon race against the ruling party, based on void statements littered on social media, is disgracefully a futile attempt rooted not in policy, but personal vendettas.
Zhuwao, whose acumen in politics has never been outstanding, cannot be miraculously transformed to become a force that moves Mt Everest.
Like all other politicians who deserted Zanu PF before, envisioning himself as the country’s new messiah, he remains a nonentity, a figure too dark to be recognized in gloomy conditions.
Zanu PF has seen the light and must not be scared of darkness.
Foolishly and fallaciously riding on his uncle’s back, Zhuwao erroneously believes he can ruin the new dispensation’s political strides by basing his archaic claims in mythology that President Mnangagwa is spending his precious time chasing a sceptre — an old belief that power is derived from a wooden carved stick.
While the President ascended to power through the ‘Voice of the People is the Voice of God’ Christian campaign discourse, politicians like Zhuwao base themselves in idolatry — a terrible diversion from the ethos influencing the current government’s modus vivendi.
Did the Second Republic need a sceptre to drastically contain inflation? Why didn’t the President chase after the wooden sculpture to convince the United States investors who recently visited the country to come to Zimbabwe?
The nation is witnessing massive roads construction and facelifts, while the health sector is being revamped. That definitely didn’t require the services of mythological doyens.
It is policies that propel transformation, but the ‘old-fashioned’ young politician catastrophically doesn’t grasp that simple concept.
How disastrous it was to have such cartoon characters in government. Nepotism of this kind wouldn’t catapult Zimbabwe to a better political and economic standing in the global realm.
Being in exile is painful and any critical thinker comprehends that the homesick Zhuwao daydreams unsettling a government that was elected by the people.
His past categorically indicates the less calculative politician couldn’t even address a rally for lack of prowess. Power lies within the masses and it is only the people who decide, hence the disdain on Mnangagwa’s administration will certainly destabilise nothing.
The once powerful ones like Ndabaningi Sithole, Edgar Tekere, Joice Mujuru, among others, tried to bend party rules to favour their personal whims, but subsequently found themselves suffocating in political oblivion.
While he was still Vice President, President Mnangagwa was famously known for proclaiming that the party was bigger than individuals and no-one could put the party in his or her own pocket.
The astute ones up to now, clearly understand what he meant. The metaphor should ring louder in Zhuwao’s inner spirit — he can never be greater than the party.
After playing a broader role in helping Mugabe tear asunder national fabrics that reversed many gains of the liberation struggle, the dreadlocked politician should simply keep his mouth shut and try his luck at fairytale writing. There he is allowed to imagine and create the impossible.
President Mnangagwa needs advisors and a clear conscience to redeem Zimbabwe’s fortunes. Pathetic distractions in the form of disgruntled politicians like Zhuwao are not welcome.
The Mugabe debacle should not be trivialised to become a cultural myth stage-managed to tarnish the image of the President.
A lot of work is being done to take the country to another level and let the flow of fruitful ideas continue in serenity.
Zhuwao and his noise backers behind the scenes should be treated as hungry toothless puppies seeking a comeback to the kennel after years of desolation.